This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
