I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm at about main and main street
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
