"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
