I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
