I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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