Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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