i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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