i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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