I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
