how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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