No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
