I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
