Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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