I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
