I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
People in love make me want to vomit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
