bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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