My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
