I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize