It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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