But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
