They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
