I heard we made out
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
