Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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