Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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