I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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