I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
