I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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