girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
