Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize