VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
