Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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