Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
