I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
