They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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