her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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