I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
