I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
