She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
