Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
