its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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