I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
