He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
