I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
