Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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