I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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