While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
