Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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