Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
