I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize