wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Damn victory sex feels great
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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