Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
