we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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