I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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