You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
