he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
