you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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