At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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