before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is wine microwaveable?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
