This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
