You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
