I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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