New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
