Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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