You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
