oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
